Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
