bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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