i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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