We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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