If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is it penis luge time yet?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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