ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
