can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize