There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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