I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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