His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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