your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
