I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
