If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
