I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
