You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
These tits shall not be calmed
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
