i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
