We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
