hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We are two peas in an std pod
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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