I can text with my tongue
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
