hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
