he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
