dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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