You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
