just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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