Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
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that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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