angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
