I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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