I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
