Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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