Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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