it's like iHOP with fire
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
