oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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