one two three fourrrrnication!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
