I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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