Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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