Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
