We're facebook friends in real life
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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