I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
