I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
whose parrot is this?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
