What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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