My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
