turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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