How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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