I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
