just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
