Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
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She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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