Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
