I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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