I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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