I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
