It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
