no, he came in my armpit
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
