census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
