i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
