i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
