Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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