btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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