your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
