Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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