Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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