I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
