i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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