So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
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There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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