So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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