Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
